Wag of the Finger
A Wag of the Finger is Stephen Colbert's way of saying he disapproves of something. The most preferred finger to wag is the left index finger. !]] History The wag of the finger was an expression first used in Pagan Rome as a sign priests would use to express erotic temptation. Flocks of women and gay men would come to see a handsome priest wag his finger at them. After Christianity became the empire's official religion, the finger wag became a forbidden expression. All throughout the Middle Ages, "wagging thine finger" was punishable by death, as was nearly every other crime. Enlightenment, however, saw the return of the finger wag to legality. No one knew what it meant, but the fact that people once died for doing it made the finger wag a sign of anger. To wag your finger at someone meant you wanted them dead. As time went on, the extremity of the insult of finger wagging lessened until it only meant slight anger. On the Colbert Report In 2005 Stephen Colbert started the Colbert Report. Colbert needed an action to symbolize his anger with the liberals. Being a man of knowledge and learning, he decided to visit the nuns at his local Catholic church. Once he walked in, they wagged their fingers at him for not dressing well in God's house. Colbert thanked the nuns for their idea, and was sent home. Since then, Colbert's Wag of the Finger has been one of the best tools in fighting liberals. Trivia *It's a little known fact that Colbert's left index finger is made of red licorice. Patronizing, patronizing licorice. There are certain other parts that are made of plain licorice, but as this is a family-friendly Wiki, that topic is censored. *Receiving a wag of the finger makes you an un-American, truth-hating, Karl Marx following, liberal bear. * Wagging the finger at Stephen will result in a swift kicking of the a** with little to no butter on your popcorn. --NOTE-- Had to bleep a certain word, keeping the family-friendliness of this page safe and secure, like George Bush did to this great country of America. God Bless Him! (I'm not kidding, folks. George Bush was the Greatest President!) Wags of the Finger * The state of Arizona for offering a $1 million bribe to voters, which only encourages the poor to vote * Wal-Mart for not prosecuting shoplifters who steal merchandise less than $25 * Katie Holmes for being pregnant out of wedlock * Lauren Hutton for nuding up in Big magazine (see also Tip of the Hat) * Mahmoud Ahmedinejad for allowing women to attend soccer games * Doonesbury for a week of strips spent on BD's loss of a leg and shooting of innocent Iraqi civilians * Chicago for banning foie gras in restaurants * Mike Wallace for dissing CBS when promoting his book * The anonymous 100 million dollar benefactor to Yale University's School of Music for being more humble than us * The Black Hole at the Center of the Galaxy for sucking in all of the Creator's matter (received a triple wag and placed On Notice) * Upside-down Christmas trees * Taco Bell for infecting people with E-Coli * The Church of Scientology for promoting Tom Cruise as the 'Christ' of their religion * The National Coalition for the Homeless for being a buzz kill * Brain damage for making smoking easier to quit * Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg for being such a chick * Australian EX-Prime Minister John Howard for slamming Barack Obama, a citizen of the United States. Back off you crocodile-wrestling, Matilda-waltzing descendent of criminals. (see also Tip of the Hat) * Australia, for tricking the pope into believing a koala was a gray cat. * HealthQuest Technologies for inventing Talking Urinal Cakes *Bilk - a Japanese concoction of beer and milk *The U.S. Mint for issuing dollar coins without 'In God We Trust' on them *To high school seniors for knowing very little about religion *To drug dealers for manufacturing kid-friendly meth flavors *Abstinence education for not being integrated into the entire curriculum *Cell phones for killing our bees, thereby erasing honey from the earth and pushing bears to eat their next favorite thing: our babies. *Fake sperm for allowing lesbians to have sex for something other than heterosexual men's entertainment *Japanese owners of leading toilet maker Toto's Z Series bidets for not being able to hack the potential fire hazard *Thomas Friedman for suggesting Presidential candidates hold "green debates" *A rare WOTF at Americans for allowing a Frog Gap to develop, with French people hating themselves more than Americans do *Utah Republicans for not supporting a resolution blaming Satan for illegal immigration *Mormon Presidential candidate Mitt Romney for saying he can't imagine anything more awful than polygamy *USADA for messing with Lance Armstrong. Back off, biking science nerds. *The MPAA for their intention to rate movies "R" if they contain smoking *CNN International for their wishful treason for "accidentally" putting up a "Bush resigns" graphic (this was a rare "Bonus Wag") *Fox News for allowing a commentator to call President Bush a tool. *1,683 record-breaking Smoke on the Water guitarists for not waiting for Stephen before starting *IHOP for buying out Applebee's *Japan for implementing peer-based jury trials *Our Troops in Afghanistan for arousing our President's envy Quitters Edition *Perrigo Pharmaceuticals - way to give up. *Republican Quitters Ken Mehlman, Dennis Hastert & Lincoln Chafee *Donald Rumsfeld (received not just a double wag, but a full body wag) *Fox News reporters who give up too easily. What a bunch of pussies. Christmas Style * The movie The Nativity Story * Loma Linda Homeowners Association in Pagosa Springs, Colorado * First Lady Laura Bush Culture War Edition * Pablo Picasso for 'rewriting' the rules of painting * The Secret Lives of Gingerbread Men - an Ohio artist's recreation of Nazi Germany, complete with brown-sugarshirt cookies (received a full arm wag) * August Rodin for calling "The Thinker" "The Thinker" and not "The Feeler", when the sculpture is so clearly gay Science And Technology Edition *Apple Computer, Inc. for changing its name to Apple, Inc. in an attempt to dedorkify its image *Apple's iPhone for being too elegant, refined and easy-to-use (received the heretofore much-rumored double wag) Other Body Parts Stephen has not Wagged * his entire right arm (for Gingerbread Men) * his entire body (for Donald Rumsfeld) See Also *Tip of the Hat